More NHS Reforms

It’s now the end of June 2014 and the Directors of Health4U Ltd (you remember, the consortium of GPs responsible for commissioning health services for you, the Patients) are holding an Emergency General Meeting. Again the Practise Manager chairs the meeting.

“I’ve called this meeting because we have a problem.” she declares. “You all agreed at the February meeting to send patients to Allops Ltd for Hip and Knee operations.” “Did we?” queries one of the Directors, “I don’t remember.” “Well you should read your minutes.” the Practise Manager replies. “Anyway, Allops have dissolved themselves, in other words the company no longer exists.” “So what?” asks the Director. “Well, unfortunately, some of the patients aren’t happy with their treatment. In fact, some of their knees and hips are worse than before their operations. One has even needed an emergency amputation and now expects us to provide a prosthetic limb – and refund his train fare to Cumbria!” “But surely that’s Allops’ responsibility.” says another Director. “As I said, Allops no longer exists. The surgeons have now formed another company – Allops (2014) Ltd and say they have nothing to do with Allops.” “When was Allops wound up then?” asks another Director. “Shortly after I emailed them about the complaints!”
The meeting becomes somewhat acrimonious. Who is to blame? After an hour of wrangling it is agreed that the person at fault is one of the part-time Receptionists, who had been asked to search the Web for possible health care suppliers, during her lunch hour. The Directors agree that she should be called in to explain herself.
After 50 minutes she arrives in a very bad mood. “It’s my golf afternoon.” she states. “I was on the 14th tee. This had better be important!” The situation is explained. Her response is: “I’m only part-time. I’m not an expert so I passed the information to the Surgical Commissioner – your wife!” she says, pointing to a Director. There are more recriminations until a voice says, “It’s the Regulators’ fault. They should have warned us that Allops was flakey!” “Yes, or Local Heathwatch!” says another. Then, from a corner, “No, I believe it’s a Health and Wellbeing Board problem. They are tasked with ensuring that services we commission are Fit For Purpose!”
The meeting soon breaks up with mutual congratulations.
The Practise Manager says, ”Such a beneficial meeting, I was quite worried when I called it!”

Deja Vu

We’ve seen it all before!

In the early seventies “Hello Sailor” Ted Heath was all for a new airport in the Thames Estuary – at Shoeburyness. There was a huge outcry from ecologists, local residents and many other “green” organisations, all to no avail. Ted was going ahead!
However, the good old OECD (the crude oil producing countries) decided to jack up the price, Britain and the rest of the Western World went into recession and the whole idea was forgotten.
Now that lovable, mop-headed clown (how could anyone with an ounce of sense have voted for him?) who resides in the London Mayor’s office, but wants Big Dave’s job, is at it. The old cries are repeated:
“If we don’t build this airport everyone will fly to Frankfurt, or Schipol, or Charles de Gaulle.” “Air traffic will increase by 700% by 2200.” (No, not 10 o’clock!) “Britain must have it or we’ll lose out!” “It’s good for Business so it must be good for London.”
It is estimated that it will cost £50 billion. That’s a nice round figure isn’t it? And we all know about estimates! So, who’s going to fund it? Well, the Chinese have their famous “Chinese Sovereign Wealth Fund” and are looking hard at the UK. Georgie Osborne dashed over there with his begging bowl the other week and China responded by buying 8.6% of Thames Water. (I hope they don’t think it includes the Estuary!) The Chinese already own a fair chunk of our green and pleasant land: car plants, takeaways, laundries etc., and all the other foreigners have left us with not much more to sell. The plan must be to create “Boris Island” and sell them that. Perhaps this is a model for the future; create something from nothing and sell it. After all, that’s what the Bankers did (and still do!).

To my mind, the whole idea is extremely bad. The proposed site is a large area of salt flats and marshland. It is of crucial importance to many thousands of resident and migrating birds, providing them with a safe haven. It is used for over-wintering and as a “service station” for those on long flights to distant lands.
The area will be devastated. It won’t be just an island. There will need to be a rail link, motorways, warehousing, hotels and other commercial developments. And, of course, a few thousand properties for all the workers to live in. Thus another area of pollution and congestion will be generated.

And this is the Government which promised to be the “Greenest Ever”!

Still, there is a little light on the horizon. Today “Tough Willie” Hague (failed Conservative Party Leader) together with the rest of the EU Foreign Ministers announced that he wasn’t going to buy any more crude from the Iranians until they stopped their nuclear enrichment programme.
This should jack up the going rate for fuel and oil products so perhaps history will repeat itself!

Dave the Brave

Have you noticed that Nodding Nick’s not nodding now?
Ever since Dave the Brave went to Europe and said he wouldn’t help them out with the Euro, poor Nodder’s been sulking!
Perhaps Dave’s not so brave really. Perhaps he’s more afraid of his own back-benchers than a load of foreigners. After all, WHO WON THE WAR??
(and just because their economy’s doing better than ours – don ‘t say Germany !)

On the deculturalisation of Britain

Anyway, as Christmas was coming up, I thought I’d treat myself so I tarted myself up (you know, ironed my strides and polished my shoes) and went into this Hotel Bar.
Along the bar were quite a few pumps with names like “Old Pig’s Snout” and “Rat’s Water”. I asked the barman “Don’t you have any lager?” He said “No mate, it’s all Real Ales now from these micro-breweries. Still, you can have a bottle-conditioned “Fairies’Gold. That’s a bit like a lager.” So I did but it wasn’t the same!
I noticed that there were loads of flash blokes in there, mostly drinking shorts and making a lot of noise with their posh voices and hearty laughs. “What’s occurring?” I asked the barman. “Financial Advisers’ office party” he replied. “Just topping up after their nosh. There’s a £500 tab!”
One bloke was talking louder than the others. “One has no need for libraries these days, they should all be closed!” he was saying. “I use an eReader now. I just download whatever I fancy, whenever I feel the need to read.” “You mean you can read?” someone shouted to general guffaws. “Ho! Ho! Ho!” said the speaker, “I think the County Council should issue an eReader to everyone who has a library card. One can buy them from £50 – of course, mine’s the latest gadget. It cost £200 but has a bigger screen and can store around 2,500 books – but I’m sure the Council could do a deal with a manufacturer and buy them much cheaper. They should purchase multi-user licences for eBooks and put them on a central server. Then anyone will be able to access the database and download whatever they wish to read. Much better than the present system where the book one wishes to borrow is either on loan or at another library! Just think of the space they’d save, and the staffing costs.” Another bloke said, “Yes, and they could sell off all the libraries or convert them into something useful, like Gyms!” “Or bars!” shouted another.
I couldn’t help remarking, “But I like the library. I enjoy the sight of all those books on their shelves, reading a few pages to see whether I’ve read a book before (if I can remember!) and anyway, it’s a nice warm place to go in the Winter, just to sit with a cup of coffee (if the machine’s working) and leaf through a magazine.”
“But you’re so old fashioned” said one of the blokes.
I turned to my mate the barman. “What do you think?” I asked.
“Well I only read “The Sun” he replied “in the bog you know, and when I’ve finished with it I use it to wipe my backside!”

High Technology

Had the Grandson round this weekend.
He had this black plastic thing, about 10 x 6 and ½ inch thick. I says to him “What’s that then?” He replies “It’s a tablet” “You’d have a job swallowing that!” I says. He gave me a quizzical look as if he didn’t understand but there you go, that’s the young’uns these days.
“Can I go on your internet please?” (yes, he said please!) “’Course you can.” I says, so he asks “What’s your password then?” Well I didn’t have a clue so he gives me this look, as if I’m daft, picks up this box thing with flashing lights, turns it over and then, he taps this “tablet” and up comes a picture of a keyboard! He starts typing away on it and then, lo and behold, he’s on the internet. ‘Course it wasn’t like what I see when I go on. There’s loads of little pictures and writing and what have you. Then he sort of strokes the screen and pages and pages of ‘em appear so I asks “What’s all that then?” “All my messages and things that have come in since I left home.” “But it’s only been about an hour” I says. So he gives me that funny look again and says “Oh Grandad, it’s stuff from all my circles!” “Oh,” I says “Is it Facebook?” He says “No, it’s Google plus and I use it for keeping in touch, posting all my photos, surfin’, getting loads of apps to play games with my mates. I even do my homework on it and send it to my Tutor!” Not wanting to look stupid (again) ‘cos I don’t know what apps are, I says, “Got a big disk has it?” Once again he gives me that funny look and says “No Grandad – it’s TABLET. It doesn’t need a big disk ‘cos I don’t keep anything on it!” “Well, where’s all your stuff?” I asks. “It’s in the cloud” he replies. Well he really lost me there! Then I looked at his screen. It was full of these little pictures with a few words under each one, like “Dad’s up the pub” and “You are a nutter!” and nearly all ended with lol and J. I says “Is that all in the cloud too?” “Probably” he replies, “It’s the way to go init?” “Is it?”I asks. “Oh Yes,” he says “and my Dad says you should go too. And why haven’t you got a mobile?”
Well, that’s another thing. His Dad gave my better half one of his smart phones. I must admit it’s very smart too, sort of shiny red with a screen and tiny keyboard. Only trouble is it sits on the sideboard and sort of warbles quite often. Then the Missus jumps up to see what’s happening and usually says “Oh, it’s just someone in one of my circles replying to someone else who I don’t know.” Seems daft to me but there you go! Anyway his Dad don’t have a job so he sits at home all day (while his wife’s out working) finding the best contract with the flashiest phone. Then he gets the latest phone and his old one goes down to his Missus, hers goes to my Grandson and his ends up with my missus! I asked him once, “Don’t they want the old phone back?” and HE gave me a funny look! “It’s out of date.” He says. “But you’ve only had it a year!” says I. “That’s why it’s out of date!” he says.

I reckon I must be too. It’s a funny new world!

Even More Pub Philosophy

Anyway, I was sitting in this pub (under new ownership so they let me in!) and this bloke said to the landlord “When are you going to get a Greek card for your Skybox then?” The landlord replied “I’m going to wait for the High Court ruling before I do that, and anyway, I don’t get many Greeks in here.” So I said “It’s that Murdoch and Google trying to rule the world. Are you on Google plus yet?” So this bloke says, “I’m on Sky Plus and I can get this HD stuff. I never watch it though ‘cos I’m in here most of the time!”
I said “No, no. It’s not the same; Google plus is Andrew or something and it lets you talk and email and loads of other things. My other mate says it’s great and he should know ‘cos his brother takes loads of photos and puts them on it.”
Well, that lost them so I thought I’d change the subject. So I said “You know that Georgie who works for Big Dave and Nodders, well, he says we should be grateful ‘cos he took 1p off petrol, but he’d already put another 3 or 4p on with the VAT so he can afford to get the dustbins emptied every week.”
“ I have to go private for my bins.” said the landlord. “I’m a business you see so I can’t get the Council to empty them.” “I never fill mine anyway,” says the other bloke. “It’s the wife who does all that in my house!” We laughed.
I said “I reckon it’d be better if he kept the libraries and museums open. I mean, I had this letter from the council telling me they’re cutting the hours by 7% or something so I won’t be able to go there on Wednesdays. In some places the libraries are going to be run by volunteers.” “If they can get ‘em!” said the landlord, “and another thing, it’ll be bad for business ‘cos if everyone’s volunteering they won’t be shopping, or in here!” “Anyway, it’s going up again next January” I said. “What is?” they asked. “Well, petrol and diesel. By about 5p ‘cos it’s tied to inflation, you know, CPI not RPI” I replied, knowledgably. “What’s that then?” they asked. “Well, they’re different and CPI’s more so Georgie gets more of our money to fight the deficit. Then he can get the bins emptied twice a week!” I replied. “Why would he want to do that then?” asked the landlord. “Well,” I said, “it’s that Pickled bloke. He eats loads of curries and gets rats in his bin so he asked his mate Georgie to get his bins emptied more often. Obvious init?”
“Well,” said this other bloke, “I never go in the library anyway.”

Council Housing

I have some questions about the new “Right To Buy” initiative announced by the Prime Minister at the recent conference.
David Cameron told us that, for every house sold “we” will build another.
Who is “WE”?
Does this statement mean that another Council House will be built?
Conor Burns MP said that prices will be discounted to encourage as many as possible to buy their council houses.
To whom will the proceeds of such sales be paid? It should be to the Local Authority as owners of the properties but, if it is, I’m concerned that it will be used simply to enable the Government to reduce Council Tax grants.
When asked “How many houses need to be sold for another to be built?”, the MP’s answer was “We could build now and pay later.”
Surely this will add to the deficit.
Will the new-build really be replacements for Council Houses sold, or will it include ALL those for which planning permission has already been applied or granted?
In the past we’ve been told that Council Tenants will have fixed term contracts.
What happens to the Tenants at the end of the term?
Also, that new tenants will pay 80% of “the going rate for the area”. For many people, including the much-loved and oft quoted “hard working families”, this will mean rents which are unlikely to be “affordable”, particularly with high inflation and static income.
We are also told that “Government Land” will be “released” (i.e. SOLD) for building. More family silver being disposed of?
But where is this land? In the Green Belt? On the Yorkshire Moors?
There can’t remain many Army barracks or RAF airfields in places where people might wish to live!